So one of my Best Friends has inspired me to 'Get Talking' about Mental Health. My Friend Katie recently joined the Blog-sphere and her first post was about her anxiety issues. I was inspired to share my issues like Katie has on her Blog - It's Always Tea Time in order to support the Time to Change work.
I was also inspired by Briar Rose after reading her post on Time to Talk day.
I have always been an anxious person, I become obsessed over making everything perfect, worry about all the tiny things and become easily depressed when things don't work out as well as planned. I believed it was just part of who I am and for a long time I lived with it and life was normal. After coming to University, my depression, anxiety and health all deteriorated. At first the doctors thought it was my Chronic Fatigue Syndrome rearing its ugly head again. Then they thought it was Anemia. After being treated for both of these things, I was referred to the Cognitive Behavioral Therapy Unit at the Leeds General Infirmary, in attempt to rid me of the dark days that were plaguing my time at University.
I underwent a course of therapy at the LGI for about 6 months, seeing my therapist every week and then gradually weaning myself off the sessions to fortnightly and then as and when needed. The sessions were hard going at first. I explained my issues, we talked through the problems I was having and tried to find the root cause. Each session led to homework being set - I was given relaxing tapes so that I could try and sleep easier - a food diary to ensure I was eating regularly as I have an on/off relationship with food and my therapist was concerned I was developing an eating disorder - a mind-map task to put down all my issues and how they all connected to each-other.
At first I dreaded going and couldn't think why I was going because there was nothing wrong but looking back now - I realise that I wasn't myself for a while. Yes the CFS/ME probably didnt make things any easier but it was more than that. And yet life was going well - I was at a good university, had good friends and a loving family and yet I felt negative, down and depressed which led to me constantly picking up viruses.
I worked through my problems with Cognitive Behavioral Therapy and my therapist helped to; minimise my over-thinking (ruminating), stop making over-ambitious goals, regulate my diet and sleep pattern and be more positive and confident.
Going through the course of therapy has led me to become my true self again. I sorted my life out and now grasp it firmly in two hands. I have to take each day as it comes and I still have dark moments but life is generally good. I'm now able to deal with the dark times instead of curling up in a ball and crying. I can go out more without stressing and worrying, my sleep pattern has its moments but is generally more normal, I have a healthier relationship with food, I stop stressing about Uni work as much and don't see not getting top marks as failure. I am also no longer fazed by my past and my CFS/ME and stop letting it prevent me from living life as I choose.
Life is now far more enjoyable and I can't thank John (my therapist) enough and my family and friends who went through the black spot with me and were 100% behind me and continue to be.
It really is worth seeking help. A problem shared is genuinely a problem halved and specialists can help you see the light again. It may not work straight away but putting hard work into making you 'you' again is worth it in the long run.
Hopefully this Blog Post will make people begin to talk more about mental health. Maybe you've noticed a friend who needs that bit of support, yourself, a relative or you just want to raise awareness to Mental Health and make people realise there are more people out there than you think. I know I thought everyone who went to Uni was Happy and Positive and Confident and Partied Hard - I didn't realise that like me there were others who were just as depressed and anxious and had similar issues. I couldn't believe it when Katie told me what she was going through and I responded with "Me too". We became friends working at a Hotel in our holidays from university and after discovering similar interests and working long hours together we became firm friends. Since leaving the Hotel we stayed in touch and she has been a great support and a good friend to me. We now meet up for a cup of tea and a slice of cake and a chat about the progress we are both making. But Katie is not the only person I found to have struggled with these issues - last year I worked on a group project assignment and there were 3 out of 5 of us with depression - it just shows that some people are good at hiding it and others try not to let it get the better of them but its still there...
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You Are NOT Alone!
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